Tag Archives: love

Happy Mums Tips in 20 Days: Day 20

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PAT ON THE BACK.

My last tip in this series is probably the most important one!

It’s where I get to remind you that being a Mum is both the toughest and most rewarding things you’ll ever do- so be kind to yourself if you don’t always get it right!

You’re best is good enough, trust your instincts, take good advice as appropriate and above all keep loving your family (and yourself) to bits!

If you have those things covered, the rest will follow…

Have a Happy Day,

Nicole

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Happy Mum Tips in 20 Days: Day 12

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HAVE A DATE NIGHT

When you have kids it’s easy to forget the ‘us’ and concentrate solely on the ‘parents’ part of your relationship with your partner. This can lead to a lot of sadness and loneliness for both of you.

It’s important to nurture the relationship that the two of you have as a separate entity to that of your family environment. In doing so, you will stay on the same page, keep the love alive and stay strongly connected to each other.

The simplest way to look after your relationship with your partner is to implement regular date nights. It doesn’t need to be fine dining or very expensive, just a venue where you can have some time and space to enjoy each other’s company, reconnect and have fun!

Have a Happy Day,

Nicole

While we’re on the topic…

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While we’re on the topic of appreciation today, it’s important to make sure the person mostly likely to be receiving the least amount of appreciation in your life- you- does today.

Whether they show it or not, your family appreciate you, all your love and hard work in looking after them.

How do I know that? Well that’s an easy one to answer!

I know they appreciate you because thanks to you they are feel loved and secure, are fed, clothed and nurtured- all things that they could not live without.

This is why I can confidently assure you that you are very much appreciated be it consciously or even just subconsciously by your family.

So well done Mum- you’re doing a great job!!

Have a Happy Day,

Nicole

How to make a Happy Mum The Recipe: Love and Relationships.

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Social catch ups are a must have

Part 2.

Your Friends.

 

Before having a baby you probably had a good, healthy array of friends that you considered were an important part of your life- and you there’s. However, when you have a baby it’s common to find that you see a lot less or completely lose contact with a certain proportion of your friends. This can be for many reasons; they were your drinking/bar going buddies and so you don’t have much in common with them anymore, you’ve moved to the suburbs so it’s harder to organise a catch up or the more obvious one- your main focus now is your kids and that keeps you fully occupied most days!

If any or all of these examples apply to you, then there’s a number of ways you can look at this situation and address it or merely observe it for what it is- depending on how you feel about that friendship.

The first point to make is that real friends will not drop off the radar for any reason, in my experience the demands of life may mean you see less of them for a time- but you’ll both continue to make catch ups happen, even if they’re not as frequent or in the form that they used to be.

Your friendships- especially the close ones, can continue to be the rewarding and important sources of support and care for you that they have always been- it’s just going to take a little more effort to maintain them.

The thing that worked really well for me was to have a reminder in my phone calendar to catch up with friends at different times every month or two. If I was having a particularly crazy time of it when the reminder went off, I’d just give them a call for a quick catch up or at the very least send through an SMS letting them know I was thinking about them and asking how they were going. But whenever I could, I would try and organise a face-to-face catch up.

Particularly, if your friend/s have kids of their own, Play Dates can become a great way to catch up with them that is beneficial for you both and your children. But even if they don’t have kids, you’ll probably find they are very eager to see your little one’s anyway!

As with the relationship you have with your partner, it is fantastic if you can organise a catch up with friends when it’s just adults every now and then- this may be as little as twice a year. For similar reasons as the need for a date night- having this kind of catch up with your friends will give you the space to really reinvest in your friendship with a good catch up.

It may be as simple as delegating your partner to babysitting duties so you can have a girls’ night out. Of course, this should work both ways- with your partner being given the opportunity to do the same thing every once in a while.

While we’re on the topic and I’ve now convinced you of how important it is to maintain your friendships, why not strike while the iron’s hot and enter in a couple of reminders into your phone to contact your friends in the near future?

Extended Family.

The most likely scenario here is that you’ll end up seeing a whole lot more of your family, because they naturally will want to support you and are so excited about the new addition to your family.

Personally speaking, I didn’t appreciate my parents or siblings as much as I did after having my son. The support, dedication and tireless love they have given to me and my family has been invaluable. Particularly because I was quite unwell for a few months after our son was born – I honestly can’t think how my husband and I would have kept up with it all without our family’s love and support.

So don’t be afraid to ask for help when and if you do feel overwhelmed. After all, we weren’t meant to do it on our own- we should naturally be offered and seek support from our family.

How have the dimensions of your relationship with friends and family changed since having kids? Do you feel like you’re still getting the support and social network that you want and need? Feel free to post me a comment- I’d love to hear from you!

Have a happy day!

Nicole

 

 

How to Make a Happy Mum: Love and Relationships.

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Part 1.

At the risk of sounding too corny, just like everyone else on the planet (okay maybe not everyone– I just got a visual of Hitler!)- as a Mum you need to feel loved.

I can hear some of you saying, “Well that’s easy- Mum’s are loved by their kids, their partner, their friends…” But I didn’t say that Mum’s need to be loved, but they need to feel loved. And as a Mum you know straight away what I’m talking about, and the vast difference between the two.

Mums would have to be right up there in the ‘most important people in the world’ stakes, so why are we also one of the most undervalued groups on the planet? It’s simple, we’re Mum!

Mums do anything for their kids- it just comes with the territory. And if you’re a loving mother, odds are you’re a loving partner, sister, daughter and friend as well. This trait of self giving is inherent, wonderful, and essential in our roles as Mums.

It’s important though to realise that we are not super resilient, and so need to get a healthy return of love and care shown towards us in order to maintain our happiness and wellbeing.

Your Partner.

For most Mums, having a baby flips your once harmonious and loving relationship with your partner on its head- at least temporarily if not for longer! All of a sudden the person who was your best friend and lover now feels like your worst enemy.

Quiet nights on the couch for snuggles with a bottle of red have been replaced with the chaos of nappy changes, feed times and all things baby. Your relaxing sleep-in on the weekend is a thing of the past, and you find yourself barking at your partners every move as heaven forbid that he might wake the baby and so rob you of a tiny rest period!

Finally, and I left it until last on purpose because in the early days it’s the LAST thing on your mind- there’s the topic of intimacy… After what you’ve probably been through if not during the pregnancy then definitely during the birth- the only thing you probably would even consider spending energy on outside of looking after your bub is climbing into bed, feeding/watering yourself or maybe taking a shower!

Unlike the expectant Mum who has been diligently reading up and so mentally preparing for all these challenges since the moment she conceived- the partner quite often has not considered that there was a need for him to do any pre-reading and so he probably have a cute but rather unrealistic idea that nothing much would change in your lives except that there would be a little baby to love and cuddle. So the full picture is understandably a bit of a rude shock for him.

All of the above points combined make for a couple of pretty grumpy parents until things settle down a bit and you both get the hang of living with your little one. The key is to not let it go on so long that it becomes a permanent feeling of agitation between you and the bond of love that has always held you tightly together is now getting neglected.

The advice I’m going to give in this section is relevant whether you are a new Mum or have older kids. It’s advice that in my personal experience has proved invaluable to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship with your partner. When you have a baby, the ‘us’ of your relationship tends to blur a little (or a lot!).

I’m sure you’ve heard of at least one couple who separated after decades of being married once the kids left home? Well, at the risk of making a gross generalization- you’ve got to wonder if their relationship was forgotten over time and replaced with all things family, and so when the kids left- they had no ‘us’ left to stick around for in the end.

So how do you preserve and nourish the love in your relationship with your partner once you’ve had kids? – I hear you asking me! I’m so glad you asked because what I’m about to tell you will go a long way towards keeping the ‘us’ healthy. It’s called- ready for it? The Date Night…

I can hear you thinking, “date night?? Are you out of your mind? We don’t have the time or energy for that kind of thing!” But believe me; it is worth the investment of both time and energy. All of us have at least one person we can trust to mind our baby for a couple of hours- the odds are that you have a very long list of people who are lining up to babysit!

You’re probably wondering, what’s so life changing and relationship saving about a lousy date night. Well, it gives you and your partner a rare opportunity where the two of you can be the sole focus for a bit, it’s a chance to reinvest in your love and relationship, to discuss your hopes and dreams, share how life’s treating you at the moment and maintain (or restore!) a little romance. See what I mean? Date nights are vital.

My hubby and I went on our first date night when our son was about 9 weeks old. I quite distinctively remember looking across the table at him and thinking, “oh right, I remember you- we bought a house together, loved each other enough to get married and had this beautiful baby together! Hey, I miss you and ‘us’- so glad we’re doing this dinner!”

So go on, find a night in the not too distant future when you can organise someone to care for your little one/s and book a table at that restaurant you both love. At the risk of being pushy- go and do it now before you get distracted and forget all about it!

No really, take a look at your calendar and pick a day. Trust me- you’ll be glad you did!